Grimm Hunting with Drunk Qrow
by Hammerschlag
Summary: Tired of his nieces' and their friends' noises, Qrow decides to take a nice walk through the forest. Calamity naturally ensues.


**Here's a little something I thought up on a plane. It has nothing to do with anything. At all. Whatsoever.**

* * *

When Ruby and the others' excessive noise finally got to him, Qrow decided to leave, "Alright kids, I'm going for a walk."

"Oh, jeez, you're getting drunk _again?!_ " Yang moaned.

"I'm already drunk. Sleep tight, Rang," Qrow laughed as he walked out of the building.

"It's _Yang_."

"Haha, sure it is pipsqueak."

As soon as he walked out of the town and into the forest, the drunken huntsman was halted by his sister.

"Qrow," Raven put her hands on her hips, "why are you not with my daughter?"

"Unless you're going to tell me where the spring maiden is, you can go right ahead and piss off."

"Ah, so I'm addressing Shit-faced Qrow..."

"But not Mute Qrow. I'm quite certain I already told you to piss off."

"Fine. Be that way," Raven harrumphed and disappeared. Not long after, the drunken huntsman stumbled upon some Grimm.

"Of course. Come get some, assholes!" he laughed in the faces of his assailants. Two bears charged him. He dispatched them both with a single swing from his sword. Then some wolf-like things charged him. Same difference. Then came the griffons. These creatures were smarter than their counterparts, but not strong enough to resist the might of Qrow. The bird-man sliced vertically through the first, then jumped and made a bunch of rapid 360s to slice horizontally through another five, then held his sword above his head to impale one foolish enough to try to eat him. A snake was next. Usually, it is best to cut off the head, but Qrow wanted to have fun, so he started from the tail and worked his way up. A second came and swallowed him whole while his guard was momentarily down. Big mistake. Qrow sliced his way out of the creature's stomach and emerged through its skin. Next to try and ride the bull were some elephants. The drunken huntsman decided to cut off their husks and beat them to death with them; a major success, to his delight.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

"Hey guys, have you seen Qrow?" Oscar said as he walked down the stairs.

"He was drunk and said he was going for a walk."

 _Oh Gods damn it. Not again,_ Ozpin sighed.

* * *

After slicing through about 100 Grimm quickly enough to create a mountain with their bodies, Qrow attracted the attention of a dragon.

"Oh, fuck yeah, now we're talking!" the drunken huntsman laughed as he converted his sword into a scythe. The dragon plunged downward in an attempt to eat Qrow, but the latter dodged it with ease. The bird-man then tried to slice off the creature's neck, but the blade was unable to pierce the skin. The dragon whipped its tail around its body, smacking Qrow into a tree. What it didn't count on was the fact that Qrow was strong enough to tank such a blow with or without aura. The drunken huntsman climbed onto the tail, ran up to the dragon's head and stabbed out its eyes. As the creature writhed in pain, Qrow casually approached its maw and plunged his scythe upward through the top of its mouth and into its brain, killing it. After seeing that, the rest of the Grimm fled in terror.

From that night on, the smell of alcohol on humans frightened the Creatures of Grimm a hundred times more than silver eyes.

* * *

"Where were you last night?" Oscar, the last person in the house awake, asked the drunken huntsman when he returned.

"Saw my sister. Told her to piss right off. Oh, and I also fought some Grimm. Killed a dragon too. All in all I'd call it a fun evening. Now then, my flask is empty and my buzz is wearing off, so Imma get s'more booze."

 _Of course,_ Ozpin groaned.

* * *

 **That was stupid, but I had a lot of fun writing it.**

 **CHALLENGE** **: I was going to put a tiny Rick and Morty reference in the fic somewhere, but decided against it because it would have been too easy. If you can guess where I planned on putting it (** **IN A PM, NOT A COMMENT** **! Answers in the comments will not count! *cough* Cormag *cough*), I'll write you a one-shot irrespective to the rules on my profile page.**

 **Oh, man, I'm going to regret this…**


End file.
